Written on November 14, 2011 by CB Driver in Humor, Low-budget travel 
I admire people who know how to camp and actually love it. I really do. They’re not unlike those whose VCRs and coffee pots never flash 12:00.
How do they do it? What is their secret?
Obviously, I’m a bit challenged in both these areas–especially camping. And it’s a shame because I truly love nature.
The handful of times I’ve tried it, it hasn’t gone well. In fact, I was ready to run to the nearest hotel (once, as you’ll see, I did.) And now, after trying several times over many years, I’m wondering–is it time to “pack it in” and give up? Or shall I try it one more time?
After reading my horror stories, let me know what you think. Is it me? Or is it camping itself? 
1. The Pup Tent Icebox
Where: Somewhere near the Grand Canyon, Arizona
My brother and I were sure this would be great–although we were somewhat concerned that it was late April and might be cold. But my brother was a Boy Scout leader, and so, I thought that granted us some sort of immunity from harsh weather conditions and other hassles. I assumed that we’d be ‘just fine.’
PS: We had camping mats to cushion our bodies from the rough ground.
What Went Wrong
A few things. Well, almost everything. First of all, I didn’t realize how small a “pup tent” is. Yikes. A baby rabbit would feel claustrophobic in one, I think. Second of all, it was cold. Really cold. Like 20-something degrees. Fahrenheit. And despite the mini padding we had, I still felt the ground beneath me. Ouch.
We slept in one remote area that I’ll admit was lovely, especially in the morning. The coffee we drank and the oatmeal we ate were simply divine. The views: breathtaking. As for showers, etc, well–there weren’t any.
Another night, we slept in a KOA campsite had various conveniences, which I liked, but there were too many people. Is there no happy medium? Or is there–a cabin?
2. Rain Falling + Dog Barking = Tent from Hell
Where: Sussex County, NJ
My dad and sister and I (and a dog) attempted camping in Sussex County, NJ. We had all the right gear and were ready to go for it. We settled into our tents and attempted to sleep. Everything seemed OK until…
What Went Wrong
…the rain began to fall and although we had a tarp of some sort, the sound of the rain hitting its surface was annoying. So was the dog’s barking. Anyway, we ended up fleeing to a local motel. We were all happy–the dog included.
3. Skeleton in a Meat Locker
Where: Machu Picchu, Peru
Because there were porters carrying the gear (and setting it up), I thought this would be ideal. Also, I had some nice Alpaca gloves, a hat and a scarf. I was ready for cold weather, which was exactly what I got on the third (?) night of hiking the Inca Trail. The altitude was really high.
What went wrong
I felt the sticks and stones underneath my sleeping bag and mat. And it was cold. Really cold. My teeth were chattering and I felt like my bones were rattling. Like a skeleton trying to get warm in a meat locker. Not fun. Hard to sleep.
Another camping experience gone bad… 
4. The Plastic Coffin Torture Chamber
Where: San Blas, Panama
This would seem like the place where it would be OK, right? A tropical climate, sand, turquoise water and the lovely sound of the surf. Also, someone else set up the tents AND there were air mattresses. Sounds like paradise, right?
Me, thinking, “Am I really camping on a tropical island?” (Notice the tent in the background.)
What went wrong
It was paradise–during the day. At night, though, it was a different world. Sure there was a lovely full moon, but there were thousands of skittling red crabs outside the tent and some unexpected rain that came inside. Once the tarp was up, it was OK. That was night 1, however.
The second night, I put up the tarp too soon (and safety-pinned it to the tent) and the sound of the wind coming through was the MOST ANNOYING SOUND EVER. Think–hundreds of garbage bags being slammed onto a plastic coffin-torture chamber. (To read the complete story, click here.) Eventually, I had to remove it and the put it back on when the rain came.
At least I was warm, right?
What Do You Think?
Am I just not meant to camp? Should I just stick to cabins? Have I been unlucky? Have I not chosen well–meaning, location, gear, etc.? Is it time for me to pack it in? Or shall I give it one more time under ideal weather and sleep conditions? Is there such a thing?
Are you a camper? What advice do you have for someone like myself? Where have I gone wrong? Should I just stick to cabins? Or will I miss out on something special?
Not a camper? Why not? Do you feel the stones underneath you? Do you long for a bed? Do you feel cold (or hot) or uncomfortable no matter what? Have you had experiences like mine? If so, please share!
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