Like to travel off the beaten path? Enjoy hanging out with the locals? If so, then perhaps–like me–you find yourself having some truly amazing experiences. Rewarding moments you wouldn’t trade for anything.
Of course, immersing yourself this way doesn’t always go smoothly. There are sometimes cultural clashes, dilemmas and even dramas. And they can be awkward, confusing and challenging.
I’ve found myself in some awkward/challenging cultural situations over recent years and of course, know how I handled them. In this two-part series, I’ll share 6 tricky situations I found myself in and ask what you would do in each case.
Note: Five of them are real and happened as described (names, countries, cultures changed to protect the innocent and guilty). One is a hybrid of sorts with a few modifications.
(PS: Later, I might tell you how I handled myself in each situation. When you see what happened, I think you’ll understand why I’m not sure I want to. Some of those involved could read this someday.)
1. Money Matters
You’re in a developing country where the majority of people are poor. You befriend your tour guide and are invited by his mom for dinner. You can tell it’s a special event by the way she dressed and made herself up. You learn, over the course of the meal, that she and her family are poor and struggling to survive.
You’re supposed to take a 2-hour bus to another city later that night (and fly home first thing in the morning), but you’re having so much fun being part of the family that you stay a bit too late. The mom invites you to spend the night and suggests taking a taxi to the airport early in the morning. And you agree to it.
At a certain point, it occurs to you that you and the friend you’re traveling with that you’ve saved approximately $50 or $60 and a lot of hassles involved with the bus and room search. You want to give the mom the money to help her out. It seems right.
She insists that you don’t. She seems adamant about it. Also, she also insists on giving you her bedroom.. She even says, “If you don’t sleep in my room, I’ll be angry.”
What would you do?
Would you take the woman’s bedroom for the night? And then, in the morning, would you leave the money hidden somewhere in the house (or maybe on the bed) so that later, when she discovers it, she won’t be able to hand it back to you? Or do you simply respect her wishes?
What Did I Do?
I think I may have done the wrong thing. I left money behind. Now I think a gift of something useful to the family would have been a better option.
In this type of situation
2. Icky Meal
You make friends with some locals in an Asian country and are invited into their home. You’re not vegetarian and are generally open-minded, so it doesn’t occur to you ask what they’re making. Also, it might seem rude to do so. And, you’ve eaten out with them before and seen their choices. There’s no reason to be concerned about what they might serve you.
When you arrive at their house, you see that they’re cooked all day for you and realize they spent a lot of money on the food, which includes something considered a delicacy (think dog, snake, etc.) . Unfortunately, the smell is highly unpleasant and visually, it’s unappealing. As open-minded as you are, you’re not feeling about to do it. It’s just way too….Fear Factor…for you.
Turns out there’s soup as a starter. Perhaps you could eat just that. When you reach in with your spoon, you pick up something that appears to be an intestine. Just seeing it makes the puke juice rise up in your throat.
What Would You Do?
Do you eat the main course that repulses you…just to be nice? Do you just have soup and ignore the intestine? Do you tell a white lie about being a vegetarian? Or do you speak the truth…this isn’t the kind of food I’m used to–sorry?
What Did I Do?
In this type of situation, I’ve eaten the OK parts of the meal while the family was looking and when they weren’t, put the unappealing food into my napkin to hide it.
3. Too-Friendly Father
You’re in Latin America staying with a family, learning Spanish. The family is Catholic and they attend church several times a week. The mom, is a wonderful woman who treats you like her daughter. Her children, a little younger than you, love you. Dad’s really nice, too.
The problem? Dad’s a bit too nice.
One day, he drives you to the bus station (you’re going away for the weekend) and initiates a unexpected and awkward conversation. He begins asking about North American women (and Europeans) and how they view and approach sex outside of marriage. As hard as you try to change the conversation, you can’t.
At a certain point, he asks you–hypothetically–what you (it’s not clear if he means the definite or indefinite ‘you’) would do if you met an attractive man while on a trip. Would you ‘sleep with him’? Then, when he doesn’t get his answer, he becomes more direct. “If you were, for example, attracted to someone like me–or me–would you consider a sexual encounter?”
First of all, you’re not attracted to him and you would never have an affair anyway. Second of all, your relationships with men while abroad or otherwise are none of his business. Third, well…I could go on all day about this one. But that’s not the point. The point is–you’re sort of stuck in this conversation you don’t want to be having. And now that you’ve had it, things are, frankly, awkward.
What Would You Do?
Three days later, after your weekend trip, you’re back in this man’s home, being fed wonderful food by his wife and playing with his kids. Do you tell the wife what happened? Do you avoid the husband? Do you pretend you have an emergency so you can move to another home for the remainder of your homestay?
What Did I Do?
Fortunately, the situation I was in was slightly different. I was staying with neighbors. I did not tell the wife because I knew it would destroy the family and I wanted no part of it. I did, however, set some boundaries with the man the moment the conversation became inappropriate. Not only did I let him know that I wasn’t interested, I made it clear that what he was discussing was not appropriate. Also, I was not alone with him again. This seemed to work well.
Your Thoughts/Experiences?
So…what would you do in each of the situations listed above? Also, what sort of tricky cultural situations and/or dramas/dilemmas have you been in?
More Dilemmas and Drama in Part 2
Imagine a teaching colleague who’s been beating his wife, a woman you’ve gotten friendly with. That’s one of three situations in the conclusion to this series. Click here for more clashes, dilemmas and yes, dramas.